“The downside of solitude, and a string of romantic and sexual connections that lack any kind of healthy intimacy, is that I have rarely, if ever, felt seen. Maybe it happened once, a long time ago. Mostly I’ve felt like an actor, playing the role of Great Date or Decent Fuck or Ego Boost. Rather than being recognized as a whole person, I often feel like an accessory–something to be set down on the shelf when not in use, merely a mechanism used to get a man to what he wants to feel about himself.
I’m just as responsible for this as anyone else, because I’d willingly play the role. Recently, I told someone that I’m a shoehorn, always saying, “Goddamn it, it may not be a perfect fit, but we’re going to make it work.”
Put me in a tight space; press your heel against me. I’ve got this.”
I wrote a thing for the Urban Dater. I haven’t been acting as Managing Editor and/or even a contributing writer for a long, long while now, but this was sitting in my brain, and what better place to publish than UD? It was written a few months ago, so the feelings are somewhat past-tense at this point, and I don’t think it’s my strongest piece, but I guess not everything can be. Enjoy.